My Delivery Story

It amazes me how every delivery story is different, not only from person to person, but from baby to baby.

I was secretly hoping the whole time that she would come a tad early.  We have family coming to visit, and the older she was when they came, the better.  Well apparently she had other plans.  On the day I turned 41 weeks we headed to the hospital for an induction.  I guess it was a bad day because they were so busy!  Since they had already told me it was ok to come in before they got bombarded they didn't send me home.

At about 8:30AM they started me on Pitocin and gave me a dissolvable pill that's supposed to soften the cervix.  I was at a 0 and very high (and this is even after getting my membranes stripped).  They also started me on Penicillin for Strep B.  No one told me that stuff burns!

As time went on I still didn't progress so they used this weird thing that had balloons to try to stretch my cervix enough to break my water.  That made my contractions worse on top of the Pitocin.  It also ended up being in about 2 hours longer than it was supposed to be because they were so busy.  After that they finally broke my water, expecting me to progress well after that.....I didn't.

Now, my goal was to go without an epidural if I could because I had done one each way, and the recovery without was nicer.  Plus when I had Brook things got going real fast, and I had heard that can be a trend so I figured I could muscle through it.  Little did I know what I was in for!

I would continue to progress VERY slowly.  After over 12 hours of laboring I gave in and decided to get an epidural because I was so tired (I didn't sleep much the night before) and I knew I wasn't going to get any rest with the contractions I was getting.
When I got the epidural, the guy took forever to get it in, stuck something that made my leg hurt and then after about 15 minutes my arm and face started to tingle and a softball sized spot on my ribs started hurting really bad and I started dry heaving.  Apparently my heart rate went up too because the nurse said mine and babies kept crossing.  Turns out the needle was in too far and needed to be readjusted.

I thought maybe once I got to relax I'd start progressing, since that is what happened with Hailey.  Nope.  I was stuck at a 5 then a 7 for forever.  I had to keep switching laying on my sides because baby's heart rate would dip, and then it kept dipping, so they decided she was under pressure from having my water broke, so they "pumped" me full of fluid again to relieve some stress.

In the morning I started to feel the contractions again even though my legs were still numb.

When I finally felt enough pressure for them to consider them to let me push, I was still high, plus baby was facing up instead of down.  They tried to turn her, which sucks, and they didn't have much luck.  They decided to have me push and work her down hoping she'd turn on her own as she got closer.  I also started pushing on my side in hopes of keeping baby happy.

Now my pushing actually went super fast.  She never really turned plus the cord was wrapped around her shoulders.  And, of course, I tore a bit.

What I wasn't expecting was for them to put this baby that seemed so huge on my chest!  She was 8lbs 12oz.  My biggest baby yet!

As they were putting in my iud, they noticed I had a slight hemorrhaging problem.  They gave me some meds in my iv and a shot in my thigh to help.  Plus they turned the Pitocin up to help my uterus contract and stop bleeding so much.
I pretty much passed out after she was born.  That has to be the hardest 24+ hours of my life! And the next 24 they would do these massages on my uterus to help it contract and oh my god does that hurt!

I guess that's what we get for going in with the thought things would progress fairly fast just because they did last time!  She sure showed us haha

 

On March 29th at 11:55am Penelope Jane was born

8lbs 12oz 21 inches

 

 

 

~hyuu!

 

March Already?!

Where did February go??
I remember being mid February wondering why this month was going so slow compared to how quickly January came and went.  And now, all of a sudden, it's mid March!

9 days till my due date!?!

What is this madness???!?

 

Hailey had her parent/teacher conference and she's doing really well.  They do this testing and she was well above average on all but one thing (something with numbers).  She still loves school, but has grown to hate getting up in the mornings.  She also seems to have quite a few friends.  There is defiantly a best friend, but when we show up in the mornings at least 3 kids will go "HAILEY!" hahah.  It's quite the scene to watch sometimes.  Kindergarteners make me giggle.

She'll also be going on her first field trip this week.  I wanted to volunteer to go so bad, but it's 4 days from my due date, so I thought it would be unwise.

 

Brooklyn has been doing much better in eating.  She still won't eat breakfast though.  But now, when she finishes a meal she'll come over and go "Are you proud of me for eating my food?!" and when you say yes she'll follow you around for the rest of the day "I'm so happy that your proud of me" haha

She has also become like the 'class pet' of Hailey's friends.  They all come over and hug on her and think "she is just so cute"
We can now sign her up for pre-school and I am so torn over it!  But I need to make my mind up soon because the spots will fill.



 

I am....feeling really big.  I'm defiantly in that "don't you dare make a comment" phase haha.

Nesting has mixed with spring cleaning fever and it's driving me insane!  We actually got a lot done this weekend now that the snow has vanished for a while.  Hoping it stays gone so I can put our boot tray away.  I'm also in that I don't want to be pregnant anymore but I don't want baby yet phase.  It's very emotional I swear!  I go to the doctor on Tuesday and we'll see what the plan is from there.

 

Matt is still working away.  This place is just so weird that I cannot wait till he can possibly find a better job.  They just seem so...not put together for a big company.  He made a new friend he's been hanging out with, and that makes me happy.  But it does take away from his awake hours from me and I don't like to share! haha

 

Lots of changes are happening and it's exciting and scary!  I am one who hates change and this is a lot all at once.  Just sold Hailey's bed, which is kind of sad.  Ordered a tiny dresser for her clothes (until we move and get her a real one) and the new bed for them.  Brook has quickly outgrown the crib, even if we weren't about to have another baby, she would of needed a bed anyway.

We've gotten so much done, but it feels like we still have so much to do!

Stress stress stress!

 

 

~hyuu!

 

 

January

I can't believe that January is already over.  It feels like Christmas was just yesterday!

There is part of me that wants time to slow down, and another part that is like "can it be the end of March yet?!"

 

 

Hailey lost both her front teeth by time Christmas was here.  But they have already almost grown back in! Both teeth next to her front teeth are loose, but she won't let us pull them out.  We may have to because her front teeth are pushing on them.  I think she is going to have an over crowded teeth problem eventually.

She still likes school, but has gotten to the point of waking up being hard.  Mainly because of Christmas vacation where she could sleep as she liked. "I like school, I just hate waking up." she tells me.  She's doing really well with reading too.  Sometimes I hate reading with her, because I realize how stupid a lot of the rules are and how nothing even follows said rules!

We also got her her first haircut.  Nothing crazy, but I do wish I had done it a little shorter.  But it does help with brushing it.

 

 

Brooklyn is just as crazy as ever.  She gets upset when Hailey has school and claims she has a baby in her belly too.  Speaking of which, sometimes she really loves to rub my belly.  It's sweet, but also a little weird to me haha.

Other then that, nothing really to report.  I did learn, however, that she's going to be a sweatpants kind of gal.  She prefers to be in her 'home pants' and a sweater because it's "more comfy"

 

 

 

Mathew and I don't have much else to report either.  We're in this limbo right now and it's stressful.  We had plans, and it was working out.  But when places, like your job, don't keep promises or leave out information it messes up those plans and puts you in a tight spot.  We need to be out of our apartment by the end of February because it's expensive here.  We had the means, and now we don't.  But the loan officer we are working with takes his sweet time and leaves us hanging.  Half the questions they ask make no sense to me either.  It's such an odd and frustrating process.

But we'll figure something out.  We always do.

 

It'll be interesting to see how things go, but also a little scary.
I guess we'll see!

Best part of January being over....one month closer to spring!  We're starting to get cabin fever!

 

~hyuu!



Pregnancy Update

As hard as it is, to believe I am 31 weeks along!

Third trimester, and single digit week countdown....crazy

 

I really don't have too much to report.  Things have been going pretty well.

I still get sick if I don't take a nausea pill for 2-3 days in a row.  I try not to take them unless I feel sick, but that still leaves me taking them 80% of the time.

 

Now that I'm in my third trimester, my doctors appointments are every 2 weeks.  At my last appointment I had my whooping cough vaccine shot, man did that hurt for a long time!  I also had my iron levels tested and, surprise surprise, I need to take an iron supplement.  I knew I would.  I had to with both my other two pregnancies.  I guess I should of just started taking one on my own anyway.  Oh well.

 

I know I feel a lot bigger than I am.  Looking down from the top makes me feel so huge!  But when I take a bump photo, I'm surprised at how tiny it looks.  I was measuring a centimeter bigger than I should, but I think this last appointment I was back on normal size.  I've only gained about 5lbs this pregnancy so I'm pretty happy about that.  I'm hoping to take advantage of the extra calorie burn from breastfeeding to help lose some.

 

This baby moves like a sugar rushed monkey!  Most of the time the doctor has to chase it down to hear the heartbeat.  I also can't sit up in my computer chair for too long or it freaks out and I have to sit back.  Sometimes I wonder what the heck it is doing in there.

 

From what I can remember, I don't remember being this tired or in pain with my other two pregnancies, but I am doing a lot more running around.  With the others, I didn't go anywhere without Matt because we only had the one car that he took to work, and I couldn't drive it anyway.  We didn't get my car until Brook was born.  Now, I take Hailey to school, go shopping, take Mia up and down the stairs all day, and man does it make a difference!  I usually like to get all my 'chores' done first thing, but now I have to take breaks in between or I wear myself out.

 

We have finally picked a hospital to deliver at (my doctor only goes to 2 different ones).  The main reason we picked the one we did was because of the birth control options.  I really want an IUD.  I was going to get one after Brook, but they were too expensive.  Here I have some more options.  At my hospital, they can put one in right after you give birth, instead of waiting the 6 weeks after.

 

The countdown is officially on!

 

 

~hyuu

Is My Heart Big Enough?

Let's talk about another subject that can sometimes be controversial.

Mom Guilt

Now, that can mean a lot of things, but in this instance I'm talking about the guilt moms sometimes feel when they get pregnant with another child.

 

Have I ruined my other child/ren's lives?

Will they resent me?

Is my heart big enough for everyone?

Those are just some of the questions that run though our heads....at least mine.

 

Adding a new member to a family, planned or unplanned, is always scary.  Mainly because it's such a mystery as to how it will turn out.  You can plan, talk, and strategize all you want...it never turns out how you think.  Uncertainty is scary.

 

I remember when I got pregnant with Brook, I remember trying to convince myself that I wanted this, that Hailey needed a sibling and she'd thank me for it one day.  But I also felt horrible.  I had always wanted more kids, but when I'd look at pictures of the three of us, or how she fit perfect between Matt and I my brain started going nuts.  What had I done?!  Our family was perfect the way it was and now I'm throwing it up into chaos!  What if they don't get along?? etc. etc.

 

After Brook was born, I'll admit, I had a hard time bonding.  I don't know if that's from the fact that I didn't really get to hold her much among delivery (I had a pain shot that knocked me out, plus she was jaundice a tad so she was in something for that) or postpartum, which I struggled with.
But once things settled down and I saw my girls together things worked out.

Yes, things changed, but we figured it out and made it work together.  Turns out, as a mother, your heart grows....

 

Now, here I sit, pregnant for the third time and BAM mom guilt.

You'd think I wouldn't feel like this after the first time. But oh yes, I do.  I have those same questions, same fears, and same "what have I done?" feelings.

 

I know once the baby is here and things start to make sense again everything will fall into place, but right now it's kind of a scary feeling.

I have to just remind myself that I've done this before and it will all work out.

 

 Have you ever experience "mom guilt"?

 

 

 

 

~hyuu 

December

It's December!

Where has the time gone?  Time for a good ol' fashioned family update!  Though it hasn't been that long since the last one, so there isn't much to report.

 

 

Hailey will be turning 6 in four days!  I can't handle my little baby growing up so fast.

She also just lost another tooth, her top front.  She has two other teeth that are loose also and not far behind.  Every time I see her it throws me off.  I hope her new tooth grows in fast!  She really needs a haircut, but that's one more thing that will make her look different!  My poor heart

 

 

Brooklyn is pretty much the same.  Though she is slowly growing sassier and sassier.  Man sometimes she drives me nuts!  She also reminds me a lot of her cousin Evie.  Just the way she talks and things like that.  It's trippy!

With Hailey's birthday and Christmas, she has had a real hard time keeping her mouth shut on presents haha.  She doesn't do it on purpose, she just talks and talks and it flows out.

 

 

Matt doesn't really have much to report.  His new route is finally starting to even out I believe.  The working at 4am thing still sucks.  Too bad the stores he delivers for don't open earlier.  His first training route he went in at midnight and was home by 7 or so.  That was quite nice....at least compared to this.

 

I'm surviving.  Life is kind of stressful and I hate pregnancy hahaha.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children, and it was totally planned, knowing I would hate it, but man do I hate it!

24 weeks now.  Still feeling sick.  I still take a pill everyday, though it is down from two a day.  The mornings are the worst.  I feel so sick I can never eat breakfast.  Also less and less food sounds good to me.  The few foods I would eat have turned on me and now taste like crap! Not to mention the constant dancing this baby does doesn't help.  I may end up losing weight this time around.

On the bright side, I'm almost done with Christmas shopping!

 (pic from 20 weeks)

 

 

I attempted to take some family photos, but with the snow and my paranoia of my camera getting ruined they didn't turn out too well.  I think I'm going to try to redo them in front of our Christmas tree, once it's up (I wait till after Hailey's birthday)

So, with some stresses gone, and new ones to replace them, we soldier on!

 

 

~hyuu



Baby Name Drama

Let me start this out with, YES I know that it's my choice and I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks....but sometimes (especially for me) you can't help it.

 

So, I have always had a thing about sharing my baby names.  People can be cruel, and also some people just run their mouths without thinking things through.

I will admit that I can be too sensitive to what other people say....but it's also my baby's name! haha

 

First of all, I'm not one of those people who think that a name is like...your IDENTITY hard core like I've seen some people say.  It's a name.

BUT I also don't like to have names that are really hard to spell (they are going to have a hard enough time with their last name), or that a million people have.

In 4th grade, I had three Matthews and at least two Brittanys in my class.  And man did it get confusing.  I, however, never had that problem.  The only other Vickie I ever saw was a teacher's first name.  And, as silly as it is, I loved that fact.  So I always try to pick a name that isn't super popular.

I also try really hard to find a name I don't associate anyone with.  I know that's not 100% possible, but if it's an immediate reminder of someone I hated that sorry but it's out!

 

Now the drama really starts when you tell other people your name.  If it's a name that you really love, then you hear the people in your life saying they hate it....it hurts.

Once upon a time, Hailey was going to be named Hannah.  But I had someone close to me ruin it.  "Every Hannah I know is a bitch....just an FYI"

I know I shouldn't of let it bother me, but it did....a lot.

Luckily we found the name Hailey and it suits her.

With Brooklyn, we never really had this issue.  Some people looked at us like "really?" but that's about it.

But this time around.  I'm a little more into old fashioned names or just unique without being weird names, if that makes sense.

And well, a lot of people I know don't seem to agree.  The names are all a little different then what's going around now, so they give me grief.  I don't think anyone has been like "Oh I love that name!" with any of our names yet.  Well, besides Matt and Hailey.

So I've hesitated to tell anyone else what names I'm thinking of.  I've had people point out teasing possibilities, but honestly, kids are dicks and if they want to tease someone they can think of any reason, they don't need a name.  Plus aren't there just too many weird and unique names out there now for anyone to make fun of anyone? bahaha

 

We're still trying to decide fully, but Matt has a name that he really likes and, unlike me, he could care less what anyone says.  So I may have to tap into his attitude and just go with it.  But we'll see.

Once she is named I'll let you know!

 

Have you had any baby name drama?

 

 

 

~Hyuu

Gender Disappointment

Let's talk about a slightly controversial subject.

 

If you know me, then you probably know that I'm pregnant.

What you probably don't know, since I haven't "publicly announced" it, is that I'm having my 3rd girl.

 

With this realization came a wave of disappointment, one bigger than I honestly anticipated.

And what followed that was a wave of guilt.  I was disappointed with my baby's gender and I felt like a horrible person for feeling that way.

 

So I went searching a bit in hopes of finding some connection somewhere about how I felt.  And I found it in quite a few places.  I knew this wasn't a new phenomenon, but I still felt alone.

 

Now, the reason this is controversial is because there are people out there with the mentality of "At least you have a baby!" and things like that.  Don't get me wrong....I feel VERY blessed that I have not had to struggle like some people I know.  And will I still love my baby even though it's a girl? OF COURSE!!

 

One lady explained it as the death of a dream.  Usually when you get pregnant, you end up with an image in your head of what your baby will be like.  And if ends up being the opposite of what you imagined, you see all those dreams fade.  It just takes time to rearrange them into something new to fit reality.

 

Another thing that really doesn't help are the people around you.  In our situation, this is our third girl.  Both sides of our family are very girl heavy.  Matt always wanted a brother, but has two sisters, plus mostly female cousins and such.  On my side, this would have been the first boy grandchild in 10 years or so.

So when we tell people that it's a girl we get that "oh...better luck next time?" or "that's too bad."

Even if they say "Oh another girl huh" you can tell that they are silently saying "that sucks"

It makes it so much harder to process and deal with when people around you are disappointed as well.  It almost feels as if no one is excited or accepting this time around.

We also did all those little "tips and tricks" to get boys.  None are scientific, of course, and I can name a bunch of reasons how those things could of messed up.  Ex: (TMI Warning!) They say if you try after you ovulate (but before your period) then you are more likely for a boy.  I could of ovulated later then predicted.  Or maybe Matt's DNA just doesn't make many, if any males.
But with all that 'effort' to try these tricks and such, I almost feel like a failure.....silly I know.

 

All in all, I love my baby.  And she will be loved regardless of how I felt at the ultrasound or what anyone else projects at us.

But also, don't feel alone if you have felt this way.  Don't let others make you feel worse.

Everything will work out.

 

 

 

~hyuu

November

Hello again!

I have idea for what I want to write about, but how about we start off with a good ol' fashioned family update!

 

 

Hailey has started Kindergarten and is loving it! She has a little best friend and is learning to read.  The one day I made her miss because she was sick she cried because she wanted to go.

Speaking of sickness....being in school for the first time, we get a lot of sicknesses traveling through our house.

She's lost 2 teeth, taken her first swim class, and started learning to ride a bike.

You can really tell how much Hailey has grown up just by listening to her.  She's going to be 6 in a month!  CRAZY!

 

 

Brooklyn is finally potty trained!  It actually didn't take too long.  I just took a while to get her started.  But as of right now, I am changing no diapers! (soon to change) Now I just need to get that damn binky away from her.  It's hard because she uses it as a comfort item as well as just sucking on it (she uses 2 at a time)

She really misses Hailey when she goes to school.  If I take or pick up Hailey without her, she gets very upset.

Her eating habits are driving me crazy!  Sometime she eats real well, but more often than not she barely eats.  Grr arg!

Also, she has developed the weirdest vocabulary.  She watches shows like Peppa Pig and The Little Kingdom (British shows) so she has picked up a lot from those. 

A few examples; "swim costume" "bubble mixture" "this day" "going on holiday" "I'm just a small child" "can I have a go?"

Hahaha I love it

 

 

Mathew has started a new job delivering bread.  He went to trucking school, and this isn't exactly the truck driving job he envisioned for himself, but it's a good job and he does pretty well so it all works out.  The only sucky part is that he goes into work at 4AM *cringe*

Other then that, I don't think there is much to report on Mr. Matt....unless you count his ever growing beard teehee

 

 

As for me, if you haven't heard.....I'm pregnant with our 3rd baby.  21 weeks today to be exact.

It's been an interesting pregnancy.  Super sick. I had to ask my doctor for some pills so I could actually eat food. I feel like I ballooned real quick this time around.  And, of course, being extra tired having to chase after 2 kids while making another.  I've also just been super uncomfortable.  I also have very bland answers when people ask me questions about it, and I'm not sure why.  More like a "Yes, I'm pregnant again.  It's the same as last time nothing new blah blah" haha.

 

 

As a family we've been trying to go on as many adventures as we can.  That usually involves hanging out with my parents.  We finally got a new car, so now Austin doesn't have to sit in my trunk anymore.  The girls seem to be excited about baby as well.

Hoping to move out of our apartment soon.  I really don't want to carry a baby up three flights of stairs multiple times a day!

Wish us luck!!

 

 

~hyuu



Hello Again

Wow, it has almost been a year since I posted on here.

Sometimes I think to myself "why bother, no one reads it" which, lets be honest, no one does.  BUT it's almost like a diary.  I have one of those minds that has a lot that runs through it at all times of the day.  So sometimes, coming here and trying to organize my thoughts into sentences that (almost) make sense helps clear my mind.

Which also, if anyone knows of any other blog websites (what's the new 'big thing'? haha) let me know!

 

So, I may start writing on here again to get feelings on my chest or attempt to clear my head.  It doesn't always help.  Some feelings are just too intense to go away that easily, but hey! what does it hurt to try! I already have some things I know I can write about. (even though I try real hard to not get carried away.....people don't always like it when I let my mouth fly)

 

I look forward to seeing if anyone reads and/or connects.  If not, then Hi future self!  Stop rolling your eyes at me! It all made sense in the moment.....

 

 

 

~hyuu

Happy New Years

Happy New Year!

How was your 2015?

Ours was full of plenty of ups and downs.  Hard decisions and fun times.

But I'm having high hopes for 2016!

 

Some of my goals include:

The stereotypical GET HEALTHY

This is a big one for me.  I've struggled with it for quite a while now.  Change is hard for me, and with the big change we just made, this may be even harder.
This includes the normal diet and exercise, but also things like making time to wash my face and brush my teeth every night, stretch, and whatnot.

 

GET ORGANIZED

This one is still a work in progress, because I need to break it down into smaller goals.  Even the things I do for fun get all mixed up since I can't make up my mind and focus on one thing.

 

BE POSITIVE/ATTITUDE MAKEOVER

I need this bad! But this is probably the one I have the least idea how to accomplish.  Part of it is just the way my head works, and I have no idea how to train my brain to change it's mind.  Time to do some research and soul searching!

 

BE A 'BETTER HOUSEWIFE'

I put quotes because I know people are going to nitpick it, but I don't mean it offensively.  It's just what I call the group of stuff I want to do. Ex: Keep up on housework, cook more home meals, work on Hailey's school, things like that

 

I don't have too many goals, but they are broad and hard to accomplish.  I need to break them down into smaller goals and work from there, but that's where I usually fail.  I need a life coach! Haha

What I should do, is sit with Matt, find out what goals he wants to accomplish this year, and figure out how we can help each other.

 

I also may sit down with Hailey and explain goals to her and help her accomplish a little goal of her own, and help her get motivated early on.

 

So...high hopes for 2016!

HYPE!

 

 

 

~hyuu!

Big News!

Hello! We have some news....

We moved!

To Utah!!

So I am going to try to answer any questions here.  Here we go:

Why Utah? Well, family, of course, but also it has a cheaper living cost, let's be honest haha.

Why are we leaving California? We love California, and we may move back one day, but it's just so darn expensive, and we need a break to get back up on our feet solid. 

Why would you move from that awesome spot? Ok...I get this a lot. We LOVE the area. It is beautiful and awesome. It was the barn we were living in that just wasn't cutting it.

What will Matt do for work? He's transferring out with Petco as a dog groomer. So if you need your dog groomed he's your man!

Are you staying forever?  We don't know. We're planning on getting a house after our lease is up (even though plans may change if stuff comes up, but hopefully not). We are going to look in a few states, but it is very possible we'll buy here. Who knows

And the most important question...what about Philip, your llama boyfriend??  I plan to steal him back one day!

There may be more I'm not thinking of at the moment, but that's pretty much the story.

If you'd like our new address just message or text me and let me know.

Let the new adventure begin!

~hyuu!

November?

Hello there!

How the heck is it November already?!

SO weird...

 

Anynoodle!

This month things have been crazy!  And it's just going to get crazier I believe.

I'm excited because, hopefully, my parents will come visit for Thanksgiving!
Shortly after that, Hailey turns 5.  How can she be that old?!

 

Also in my head, I want to have a garage sale.  I have a lot of crap to get rid of, and I figure HEY why not try to get some cash before just sending it to good will? The thing is, I've never had a garage sale in my life.  Plus, I don't have the yard for it.  I've been trying to sell stuff online and through garage sale apps with no avail.  Sigh.  Maybe they wouldn't sell at a garage sale either.  But I feel like it's more likely for people to be like "oh hey that's cool" just from wandering around, ya know?

I just don't know where to have an actual, real world, yard sale.  I'd probably have to borrow someone's lawn, but I don't know anyone willing to do that for me.

 

I'm really excited for Christmas!  I have so many silly little ideas for Matt.  I feel like they're all kind of dumb, but he's soo hard to buy for!  Me? I'm very easily pleased.  It gets hard to figure out what to give Hailey for her birthday vs Christmas.

Speaking of Hailey's birthday...I don't know what to do for that either!  She wants a bouncy house, like her aunt Emma had at her last birthday, but once again, I don't have the yard for it.  I'd have to borrow a yard again, and I don't really know anyone willing.

 

So many questions and things to figure out this month.  It should be interesting!

 

 

 

~hyuu!

Midnight Update

Welcome to October!

It's almost midnight, and I can't sleep...so I thought I'd try to calm my brain down here

 

I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of glad September flew past.  I'm sure I'll regret it when Christmas sneaks up on me! What have you been up to?  We haven't really done much

 

Hailey seems moody lately.  I get the feeling my stresses are leaking onto her, and it makes me feel bad.  But she also is "sensitive".  She cries really easy and get her 'heart broken' real easy.

She's getting better at her letters.  Most words if you spell it for her she can write it.  She just can't read them yet.



 

Brooklyn is making much more sense these days.  Most of what she says is parroting Hailey.  She still wakes up every night and fusses.  I'm not sure what's up with it.  One night she woke screaming and scared the crap out of all of us.  She also fell and made a small chip in one of her teeth.  It's super tiny so it's not a big thing, just kind of sad haha.

I can't believe how big she's getting.  She's still kind of small and Hailey's old clothes fit her loosely, but the other day I put her in a dress (that was a tad too big) that Hailey wore when she came to see me in the hospital right after having Brook.  It was kind of trippy.

She's still her little mischievous self running around like a crazy person!

 

 

Mathew is soon finishing up his training.  He'll soon be an official Petco Groomer, though I don't think he loves it.  He likes it, don't get me wrong.  But I think he'd be happier doing something different.  We'll just have to see how things go I guess.  He has been working quite a bit harder, so he's tired a lot.  It's not the easiest job for someone with a broken back.
And yes, he is still growing that beard of his.  I've had people ask me "why don't you make him shave it?"  Well one, it's his face.  It's not like he's tattooing his forehead.  Two, he's wanted a beard for so long.  It's not the thickest or most tamed beard out there, but he loves it and I'd never pressure him into shaving.

 

As for me.  I'm ok I guess.  I have my own set of issues that I have to work though.  Stuff that I really can't go into in this post because not only is it complicated, but I KNOW I would end up rambling and making it a million more miles long.  Let's just say stress is not my friend right now.

After going a week and a half without any kind of phone, I am finally connected with the world again!  Too be honest though, I didn't really miss it.  The biggest pain was not being able to contact people who don't normally use Facebook or check email.  But once I got over the feeling of nakedness of not having it attached to me I was fine.  As a matter of fact, it's a little weird having to remember I have one now.
I stopped taking all my vitamins after my multi-vitamins ran out.  Why?  Because I've read and seen so much conflicting stuff on if they are actually good for you or are hurting you more. So, per the norm, I couldn't make up my mind.

 

So, we're doing ok.  We have things we're working on and changes we're planning to make soon (hopefully for the better). It's been...I wouldn't say rough....interesting couple of months, but hopefully the tides will turn in our favor soon.
We're going to go try to snag the girls Halloween costumes tomorrow before they're gone.  Hailey's size is already gone online...so wish us luck!

 

 

 

~hyuu

 

ANTS

Let me apologize in advance for this post.

I feel that I really need to vent, and I just chose this medium to do it.

 

Ok.....Ants.

They must be sent by the devil.  They are driving me INSANE.

I know, looking from the outside, you'd think I'm over reacting and they're just 'little bugs'

Well...ants in MASS are evil I tell you!

 

Now, if you know where I live, you know that it's not in a normal setting, nor a normal house at all!

This used to be a horse barn, hastily thrown together to be a temporary living space for a project that never came to pass.  We've been living here for 8 years (which was not the plan haha).  We've done our best to fix and deal with what happens.  But after the fire last year, the ants have taken refuge in our home.

This barn has hole...EVERYWHERE.  In the wall, the floor, everywhere.  I've sealed off what I can with regular ol glue (which is now gone) but they just find new ways around. And there are many ways.  Right now we have 5 entry points that the ants are using right now.  2 in the kitchen, 2 in the bathroom, and under the front door.

"Why don't you just take care of them?" You might be asking.

Well, you see.  I've tried almost everything.  Yes, there are some I haven't yet, but some cost and can add up quick.  I tried cornmeal, which worked last year, and they just go around it.  I tried pepper (supposed to not like to cross it) and they just walk the wall around.  I have soapy water in a spray bottle to kill ants to wipe them down, but they are in the same spots again 5 minutes later.  I tried Windex in order to erase their line smell...once it dries they don't care.  Right  now I just tried lemon juice and we'll see how that goes (though I just looked over at the door and saw one right where I had sprayed it)
**Update 15 min later.  Lemon just failed**
We have nothing out for them to get to (as much as is possible).  Right now their favorite is the toaster and George forman grill.  My honey is in a plastic bag and my peanut butter is in the fridge with my bread.  But they don't care haha.

We've tried to find their colonies(nest, hive, whatever) and have not been successful.  One looks like it's actually under the house itself.  But the ants are coming from at least 4 different directions, so that's quite the tracking process.

Why not call a professional?  Not only can that be pricey, but we did that last year and it did absolutely nothing.

Things I haven't tried: Borax, ant poison traps or spray, and I'm sure several other little things.

So, if you have any ideas let me know.  Anything that is a powder or anything like that (cornmeal, pepper, coffee grounds, baking soda) won't work because they just walk around it.

 

Sometimes I feel like "if I just let them swarm right here they'll leave the rest alone."  Nope!  Ants don't stop ever!  I swear they are bent on destroying my house.  They find the most random stuff to go after.  And when that's been swarmed, the scouts go out to find more.  Right now they are in the kitchen and bathroom mostly, but I've had them ALL over the carpet, in the couch, on my desk, and everywhere trying to find the tiniest of crumbs...which is bound to be around due to 2 young children.

And they bite! No, they aren't red ants.  Just your run of the mill black ant, but that doesn't stop them from sometimes biting.  And it hurts *tear*

 

So yes, little tiny ants have driven me insane!  I feel dirty and prisoner in my own 'house' *cough barn *cough*

 

Why don't we move out?  We're working on it! It's not an easy choice, nor is it cheap.  I just hope the ant 'season' ends soon (please o please end soon) so I can go pee without worrying about ants crawling in my pants!

 

 

 

~hyuu!

World of Warcraft Lore

Ok, let me start this off with a warning: This will probably be all over the place because I tend to ramble when I get on a roll.

 

There are roughly two groups of people that play World of Warcraft.  There are the ones that play it because it's a game where they can kill and try to be number one and only see it as a game to play and speed through.  Then there are the story loves, like myself, who play the game because we enjoy it, but also really enjoy the story that Blizzard has put into this world.

The lore lovers are the people who take the time to read the quests to get the full story.  The ones who catch the tear jerking moments, or the funny subtle jokes.  The ones who spend their money on the books and merch and things like that in order to get more of the story. The ones who are willing to wait a little longer for content if it means the story is amazing.

You would think that Blizzard would aim to hit this audience more, since they usually end up spending more time and money.

Well, it feels like (to a lot of us) that Blizzard has decided to sacrifice their stories in order to appeal to the players who race through content in order to be number one.  The ones who play play play nonstop and then complain that there isn't anything to do.  Why don't you pace yourself and enjoy the world a little more??  Ok off topic...

Trust me, I understand from a business point of view that getting content out quickly is important.  But is it really worth sacrificing this amazing world you've created?  Lots of lore junkies complain about the new expansions because they have such potential, but end up with some copout ending.

I know that numbers are important, but, like I said early, the lore lovers are the ones that are going to feel around the world and find easter eggs and things likes that.  The ones spending money on books, comics, and things like that.  So why ruin the lore?
This new expansion looks so exciting! But a lot of us are terrified Blizzard is going to sacrifice characters we've come to love and watched grow in order to give people something that, back in the day, they said they'd never do.  And also wearing out the story line of "good guy turns evil"
Artifact weapons is an interesting concept, but (like you have done with some of the others) make up new weapons or use ones that have been "lost".  Don't kill of major characters just so every character can walk around with the same weapon.  Yes, I know you can change the color and stuff some, but lets face it....all ret pallies are going to have an Ashbringer in one way or another (poor Tirion).

 

Why do I care so much?  I'll explain, but look at any other fandom.  Weren't Harry Potter fans a little upset when tons of their favorite characters got killed?  I know some death is inevitable, but not MASS killing

 

When I started playing World of Warcraft the February after it originally released, I knew nothing of the story.  As a matter of fact, I traded in my (dying) Sims Online subscription for a WoW one haha.

I had never played any of the Warcraft games and I just came to Azeroth because a friend dragged me along.
I'll admit, I went though most of the game not really paying attention to the story.  Once Wrath of the Lich King came around, a light bulb popped up and I realized that the whole world was interconnected with a massive story.  I started reading quests and connecting dots and totally fell in love!  I wish I had gone back and found the lore secrets that I had missed from the Vanilla days.  I actually go to YouTube and watch old quest chains that are lore heavy.  One even brought me to tears (yes, I'm a nerd). Now, I am slowly growing my collection of World of Warcraft novels and am currently reading the short stories on the website.

I know their lore has plot holes, but most stories do.  And, to be honest, they don't have as many as you'd expect going from book to game and back again (also several different authors).

The tv show Reba has more plot holes (though still a good show) haha

 

I know that there are probably quite a few people who will poke holes in what I'm saying (to be fair I'm talking so fast I probably forgot important parts I wanted to say...I do that).  And many that disagree with what I'm saying altogether.  But these thoughts have been racing in my head since Legion was announced.  I know a couple WoW YouTubers agree with my fears and whatnot.  And I know my audience is pretty much non existent, but writing down my feelings helps get them to stop SPINNING around in my head haha.

 

I know World of Warcraft has to die one day, but I really hope they do it on THEIR terms and not while trying to beat a dead horse with dreadful expansion after another.

I personally think they should make a final expansion and then let the players die down gradually.

 

I could go into what WoW means to me, but that would make this post a million miles long.  I'll do that another day.  And YES I know it is "JUST A GAME" and I don't like....depend on it.  But no one can ignore the impact it has had on my life.  And it is an awesome chapter that I will be sad when it closes ;)

 

(I hope that wasn't too hard to understand.  I may have to come back and fix it once my brain settles a little teehee)

 

~hyuu!

August Update

Wow, I totally slacked off on these. I'll regret it when I go back to read these and tons are missing haha.

ANYWAY
Welcome back.

What have you been up to?  We haven't been up to much...really.

 

We registered Hailey for school, she got all excited to go and then Matt got a call saying that they hadn't noticed her birthday, and she's 3 days past the deadline, and it's a state law, so there was no way for her to test ahead or anything. So I had to break her excited little heart and tell her she was, in fact, not going to school this year.
She actually handled it very well, but I can tell she's bored in the house...especially now that Emma's back in school.

 

Brooklyn just turned 2! Where does the time go?!
She talks so much, and has way to much sass!  She does pretty much whatever Hailey is doing and she always surprises me with the stuff that comes out of her mouth.
Her hair is also starting to curl like Hailey's, though I don't think it'll be quite as intense a curl.
Brook is way to smart, well on being just like her sissy

 

 

Matt has FINALLY started his groomer training.  Though it's still pretty slow going.  His work really needs to get their crap together.  They keep losing employees without having any to replace them.  At one point they had 3 people trying to run the whole groomer by themselves, 7 days a week.

And with one about to be out with maternity leave, they are going to be in trouble haha

 

And in that is where our debate comes in.  He's getting the hours he needs here because they are so short handed.  But California is so expensive, that even with the hours, it's still not really cutting it.

So, do we move and hope he can still get good hours and have a lower cost of living here or try to make it here while he can get good hours?

 

I haven't really been up to much.  I stopped taking my vitamins for a while merely because I forgot and I completely felt like poo.  So I'm still going to take them, but I'm going to start taking them slowly....like adding one at a time.

 

Change is whispering in our ear, we just haven't figured out in which way yet.

But we'll let you know when we do figure out our next move!

We love you!

 

 

~hyuu!

 



 

 



Comfort Zones

Hello

How have you been?

 

The other day I overcame some of my very silly comfort zone limits.

 

I've been trying to go on walks to build up to running.  Now, this is not always an easy feat where I live.  I have to drive to the bottom of the hill and get the kids going....anyway some days it's just not worth it.  Well I got us all ready to go and the temperature spiked and there was some city work blocking our road.  Hailey was disheartened that I said we'd have to go home.
Then the idea to go to the mall hit me.  Now, our mall isn't far, but isn't close either.  I've only driven there myself once, and I've never gone alone...let alone with two kids.  Besides we didn't have any gas in the car and I've also never pumped gas alone before. I know this sounds silly to a lot of you, but I've never HAD to do it myself, so why would I?  I'm a very dependent person and that is why these small feats are big for me.

I called Matt up on the phone and told him the situation.  He told me it would be fine and I should go.  Call him when I get to the gas station and he'd walk me through it.  So I did.

Then I proceeded to drive to the mall, fearing that I had gotten lost at first. 

We found our way to the mall, parked and went inside.
And, wouldn't ya know, I survived!

There was a couple times where Brook was testing my patience, but hey, she's one.

 

So, even though these may seem like nothing to you, they are small victories for me.

 

I do think that my vitamins have helped a little.  I don't feel quite as on edge all the time.  I have been getting up around the same time every morning, but I need to work better at it.

Exercise is also a work in progress.  I'm hoping to start the couch to 5k journey soon.

Diet....that is definitely my weak point.
Slowly but surely I march forward

 

 

 

~hyuu

Changes

Hello

Long time no see.

I kind of, disappeared from the world of social media without really realizing it.

 

So, in coming back, I am going to talk a little about the changes I'm attempting to make in my life.

 

You may or may not know this about me, but I am bi-polar, as well as having high anxiety and panic attacks.

When I got pregnant with Brooklyn life happened in just the right way to make my anxiety spiral out of control.  I figured maybe it was just an emotional thing and it would go away once my emotions leveled out after she was born.

Nope.  I still get quite frequent panic attacks and I worry and stress about almost everything, even if there is no reason whatsoever to do so.  Heaven forbid one of us get sick.  That's usually my biggest trigger.

 

In feeling totally useless and helpless, I turned to the internet (scary right).  I cannot afford a therapist or doctor, and I'm not even sure I'd want some kind of medication.  I dislike things like that.

So I looked at multiple sources and found natural ways that I am hopefully going to attempt to the fullest and see if they help me out.

 

First, I got some supplements.

It may not be much, and you may say I'm crazy.  But I feel that it is worth a try.  I've been wanting to take a women's vitamin and fish oil for a while now.  I have read that the Magnesium can help level out things as well.  The Biotin is for other stuff haha.

 

The next two are going to be the hardest for me.  And they are so simple.

Exercise and Diet.

Diet is hard for me because I am a picky eater.  I cannot stand a lot of food.

I also am a creature of habit.  A lot of times I hate when things get out of how I have them.  I'll go through cycles of what I eat.  And I'll eat it everyday until I get sick of it, then I move onto the next thing. 

Exercise won't be as hard as diet, but still hard.  I like to work out, but finding the time with two young kids can be hard.  I know you are saying "work out at home" and I try.  But if you haven't seen my house, you wouldn't understand how that is a struggle haha.  We have little to no space anywhere.  Last time I tried to work out here, I ended up knocking Brooklyn in the head because I didn't hear her sneak up on me during a leg lift.

I also have a tendency to under perform when I'm alone.  I need someone to push me or I'll go too easy.

 

Another thing is a sleep schedule.  This one can be challenging with Brooklyn not being on one herself.  But I wanted to start upping our bedtime by a little tiny bit in preparation for Hailey's possible start of school.  I just need to pick a time and stick to it!

 

I also read on a couple places that socializing can help.  But I'm sure that depends on the person and what is making them anxious.  It may help me get out of my head.

 

Which brings me to medication.  I don't know if I can do this one.  My head is my worst enemy.  That is where it gets me.  It's a long story haha.

 

I've started my vitamins, and I'm slowly working on the others.

It's a process

But I plan to try my best to snap out of this and make these changes (for many many reasons)

And........I'll let ya know :)

 

 

 

 

 

~hyuu

The Sadness That Follows Loss

Many of you may not know that one of my best friends in the world is a man I met on World of Warcraft named Mike (or D) who lives in Washington and drives a truck for a living.

We've been friends for years now and we used to "share a brain".  It's faded a little since we haven't been able to visit each other for a couple years due to his new job and our lack of funds.  But, at least from my end, I still consider us close.

On February 27th, Matt and I got a phone call from his wife telling us that one of his children.....had jumped off of a freeway bridge and has not been found, presumed dead.

The minute that I heard that, my heart shattered.  I spent the rest of the day in tears.  It felt almost like it was wrong to do anything "entertaining" since this life had just been lost, and I could only imagine the pain of losing one of your children.

Now, to be honest, I didn't really know Trystan all that well.  We had met, and had interacted several times when he would tag along with his dad when he would do runs down to Los Angeles and we'd meet up.  I did know him through Mike talking about him and wanting to strengthen their bond.
At first, I felt like I didn't have the right to grieve this young man when there were people out there who knew him a lot more than I did, and were ten times more heartbroken than I.

But, honestly, I realized that didn't matter.  I knew him, even a little.  I knew what he meant to his family....a family that I happen to consider my friends.  And now that family is in so much pain.  Thinking about it now still brings tears to my eyes.  My heart is aching for friend who is too far away for me to hug and help out in a time of need.....though we do plan to do our best to attend the memorial service for Trystan.

 

Suicide....

A touchy subject.  There are arguments about it and stereotypes to accompany it.  But I feel that there is no way to fully understand it.  Everybody is so different, their situations, their feelings, their mental health.  Sometimes you just don't know.

Trystan was only 18.  How do you tell the difference between the stereotyped 'teen angst" and cries for help?  Yes, there are a lot of over dramatic kids who act the part of depressed.  But there are the few mixed in who really feel lost or helpless.  There are some who just so happen to have the chemical imbalance that causes depression and bi-polar.  You just never know, and that's the hard part.

I remember when I felt so low that I wanted to die.  Luckily, I snapped out of it.  I'm not going to lie....my mind has wondered there since that night.  That it would be easier.  But after having kids, and 100% now after this....I would never.
Did he really feel as though he wouldn't be missed?

Was he stressed about life?

Did he just feel sad and not understand why?
The thing I do know is that he will be dearly missed
This is a tragedy

And I hope that this doesn't happen anymore.

 

 

If you feel lost, talk to someone.

 

If I know you, and you feel lost, talk to me.  I'll gladly listen.

 

I love you all

 

 

In Loving Memory of Trystan Gabriel Wilder