Friday, December 9, 2016

Is My Heart Big Enough?

Let's talk about another subject that can sometimes be controversial.
Mom Guilt
Now, that can mean a lot of things, but in this instance I'm talking about the guilt moms sometimes feel when they get pregnant with another child.
Have I ruined my other child/ren's lives?
Will they resent me?
Is my heart big enough for everyone?
Those are just some of the questions that run though our least mine.
Adding a new member to a family, planned or unplanned, is always scary.  Mainly because it's such a mystery as to how it will turn out.  You can plan, talk, and strategize all you never turns out how you think.  Uncertainty is scary.
I remember when I got pregnant with Brook, I remember trying to convince myself that I wanted this, that Hailey needed a sibling and she'd thank me for it one day.  But I also felt horrible.  I had always wanted more kids, but when I'd look at pictures of the three of us, or how she fit perfect between Matt and I my brain started going nuts.  What had I done?!  Our family was perfect the way it was and now I'm throwing it up into chaos!  What if they don't get along?? etc. etc.
After Brook was born, I'll admit, I had a hard time bonding.  I don't know if that's from the fact that I didn't really get to hold her much among delivery (I had a pain shot that knocked me out, plus she was jaundice a tad so she was in something for that) or postpartum, which I struggled with.
But once things settled down and I saw my girls together things worked out.
Yes, things changed, but we figured it out and made it work together.  Turns out, as a mother, your heart grows....
Now, here I sit, pregnant for the third time and BAM mom guilt.
You'd think I wouldn't feel like this after the first time. But oh yes, I do.  I have those same questions, same fears, and same "what have I done?" feelings.
I know once the baby is here and things start to make sense again everything will fall into place, but right now it's kind of a scary feeling.
I have to just remind myself that I've done this before and it will all work out.
 Have you ever experience "mom guilt"?

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