Saturday, December 12, 2015

Big News!

Hello! We have some news....
We moved!
To Utah!!

So I am going to try to answer any questions here.  Here we go:
Why Utah? Well, family, of course, but also it has a cheaper living cost, let's be honest haha.
Why are we leaving California? We love California, and we may move back one day, but it's just so darn expensive, and we need a break to get back up on our feet solid. 
Why would you move from that awesome spot? Ok...I get this a lot. We LOVE the area. It is beautiful and awesome. It was the barn we were living in that just wasn't cutting it.
What will Matt do for work? He's transferring out with Petco as a dog groomer. So if you need your dog groomed he's your man!
Are you staying forever?  We don't know. We're planning on getting a house after our lease is up (even though plans may change if stuff comes up, but hopefully not). We are going to look in a few states, but it is very possible we'll buy here. Who knows
And the most important question...what about Philip, your llama boyfriend??  I plan to steal him back one day!
There may be more I'm not thinking of at the moment, but that's pretty much the story.

If you'd like our new address just message or text me and let me know.
Let the new adventure begin!


Wednesday, November 11, 2015


Hello there!
How the heck is it November already?!
SO weird...
This month things have been crazy!  And it's just going to get crazier I believe.
I'm excited because, hopefully, my parents will come visit for Thanksgiving!
Shortly after that, Hailey turns 5.  How can she be that old?!
Also in my head, I want to have a garage sale.  I have a lot of crap to get rid of, and I figure HEY why not try to get some cash before just sending it to good will? The thing is, I've never had a garage sale in my life.  Plus, I don't have the yard for it.  I've been trying to sell stuff online and through garage sale apps with no avail.  Sigh.  Maybe they wouldn't sell at a garage sale either.  But I feel like it's more likely for people to be like "oh hey that's cool" just from wandering around, ya know?
I just don't know where to have an actual, real world, yard sale.  I'd probably have to borrow someone's lawn, but I don't know anyone willing to do that for me.
I'm really excited for Christmas!  I have so many silly little ideas for Matt.  I feel like they're all kind of dumb, but he's soo hard to buy for!  Me? I'm very easily pleased.  It gets hard to figure out what to give Hailey for her birthday vs Christmas.

Speaking of Hailey's birthday...I don't know what to do for that either!  She wants a bouncy house, like her aunt Emma had at her last birthday, but once again, I don't have the yard for it.  I'd have to borrow a yard again, and I don't really know anyone willing.
So many questions and things to figure out this month.  It should be interesting!

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Midnight Update

Welcome to October!
It's almost midnight, and I can't I thought I'd try to calm my brain down here
I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of glad September flew past.  I'm sure I'll regret it when Christmas sneaks up on me! What have you been up to?  We haven't really done much
Hailey seems moody lately.  I get the feeling my stresses are leaking onto her, and it makes me feel bad.  But she also is "sensitive".  She cries really easy and get her 'heart broken' real easy.
She's getting better at her letters.  Most words if you spell it for her she can write it.  She just can't read them yet.

Brooklyn is making much more sense these days.  Most of what she says is parroting Hailey.  She still wakes up every night and fusses.  I'm not sure what's up with it.  One night she woke screaming and scared the crap out of all of us.  She also fell and made a small chip in one of her teeth.  It's super tiny so it's not a big thing, just kind of sad haha.
I can't believe how big she's getting.  She's still kind of small and Hailey's old clothes fit her loosely, but the other day I put her in a dress (that was a tad too big) that Hailey wore when she came to see me in the hospital right after having Brook.  It was kind of trippy.
She's still her little mischievous self running around like a crazy person!
Mathew is soon finishing up his training.  He'll soon be an official Petco Groomer, though I don't think he loves it.  He likes it, don't get me wrong.  But I think he'd be happier doing something different.  We'll just have to see how things go I guess.  He has been working quite a bit harder, so he's tired a lot.  It's not the easiest job for someone with a broken back.
And yes, he is still growing that beard of his.  I've had people ask me "why don't you make him shave it?"  Well one, it's his face.  It's not like he's tattooing his forehead.  Two, he's wanted a beard for so long.  It's not the thickest or most tamed beard out there, but he loves it and I'd never pressure him into shaving.
As for me.  I'm ok I guess.  I have my own set of issues that I have to work though.  Stuff that I really can't go into in this post because not only is it complicated, but I KNOW I would end up rambling and making it a million more miles long.  Let's just say stress is not my friend right now.
After going a week and a half without any kind of phone, I am finally connected with the world again!  Too be honest though, I didn't really miss it.  The biggest pain was not being able to contact people who don't normally use Facebook or check email.  But once I got over the feeling of nakedness of not having it attached to me I was fine.  As a matter of fact, it's a little weird having to remember I have one now.
I stopped taking all my vitamins after my multi-vitamins ran out.  Why?  Because I've read and seen so much conflicting stuff on if they are actually good for you or are hurting you more. So, per the norm, I couldn't make up my mind.
So, we're doing ok.  We have things we're working on and changes we're planning to make soon (hopefully for the better). It's been...I wouldn't say rough....interesting couple of months, but hopefully the tides will turn in our favor soon.
We're going to go try to snag the girls Halloween costumes tomorrow before they're gone.  Hailey's size is already gone wish us luck!


Friday, August 21, 2015


Let me apologize in advance for this post.
I feel that I really need to vent, and I just chose this medium to do it.
They must be sent by the devil.  They are driving me INSANE.
I know, looking from the outside, you'd think I'm over reacting and they're just 'little bugs'
Well...ants in MASS are evil I tell you!
Now, if you know where I live, you know that it's not in a normal setting, nor a normal house at all!
This used to be a horse barn, hastily thrown together to be a temporary living space for a project that never came to pass.  We've been living here for 8 years (which was not the plan haha).  We've done our best to fix and deal with what happens.  But after the fire last year, the ants have taken refuge in our home.
This barn has hole...EVERYWHERE.  In the wall, the floor, everywhere.  I've sealed off what I can with regular ol glue (which is now gone) but they just find new ways around. And there are many ways.  Right now we have 5 entry points that the ants are using right now.  2 in the kitchen, 2 in the bathroom, and under the front door.
"Why don't you just take care of them?" You might be asking.
Well, you see.  I've tried almost everything.  Yes, there are some I haven't yet, but some cost and can add up quick.  I tried cornmeal, which worked last year, and they just go around it.  I tried pepper (supposed to not like to cross it) and they just walk the wall around.  I have soapy water in a spray bottle to kill ants to wipe them down, but they are in the same spots again 5 minutes later.  I tried Windex in order to erase their line smell...once it dries they don't care.  Right  now I just tried lemon juice and we'll see how that goes (though I just looked over at the door and saw one right where I had sprayed it)
**Update 15 min later.  Lemon just failed**
We have nothing out for them to get to (as much as is possible).  Right now their favorite is the toaster and George forman grill.  My honey is in a plastic bag and my peanut butter is in the fridge with my bread.  But they don't care haha.
We've tried to find their colonies(nest, hive, whatever) and have not been successful.  One looks like it's actually under the house itself.  But the ants are coming from at least 4 different directions, so that's quite the tracking process.
Why not call a professional?  Not only can that be pricey, but we did that last year and it did absolutely nothing.
Things I haven't tried: Borax, ant poison traps or spray, and I'm sure several other little things.
So, if you have any ideas let me know.  Anything that is a powder or anything like that (cornmeal, pepper, coffee grounds, baking soda) won't work because they just walk around it.
Sometimes I feel like "if I just let them swarm right here they'll leave the rest alone."  Nope!  Ants don't stop ever!  I swear they are bent on destroying my house.  They find the most random stuff to go after.  And when that's been swarmed, the scouts go out to find more.  Right now they are in the kitchen and bathroom mostly, but I've had them ALL over the carpet, in the couch, on my desk, and everywhere trying to find the tiniest of crumbs...which is bound to be around due to 2 young children.
And they bite! No, they aren't red ants.  Just your run of the mill black ant, but that doesn't stop them from sometimes biting.  And it hurts *tear*
So yes, little tiny ants have driven me insane!  I feel dirty and prisoner in my own 'house' *cough barn *cough*
Why don't we move out?  We're working on it! It's not an easy choice, nor is it cheap.  I just hope the ant 'season' ends soon (please o please end soon) so I can go pee without worrying about ants crawling in my pants!

Friday, August 14, 2015

World of Warcraft Lore

Ok, let me start this off with a warning: This will probably be all over the place because I tend to ramble when I get on a roll.
There are roughly two groups of people that play World of Warcraft.  There are the ones that play it because it's a game where they can kill and try to be number one and only see it as a game to play and speed through.  Then there are the story loves, like myself, who play the game because we enjoy it, but also really enjoy the story that Blizzard has put into this world.
The lore lovers are the people who take the time to read the quests to get the full story.  The ones who catch the tear jerking moments, or the funny subtle jokes.  The ones who spend their money on the books and merch and things like that in order to get more of the story. The ones who are willing to wait a little longer for content if it means the story is amazing.
You would think that Blizzard would aim to hit this audience more, since they usually end up spending more time and money.
Well, it feels like (to a lot of us) that Blizzard has decided to sacrifice their stories in order to appeal to the players who race through content in order to be number one.  The ones who play play play nonstop and then complain that there isn't anything to do.  Why don't you pace yourself and enjoy the world a little more??  Ok off topic...
Trust me, I understand from a business point of view that getting content out quickly is important.  But is it really worth sacrificing this amazing world you've created?  Lots of lore junkies complain about the new expansions because they have such potential, but end up with some copout ending.
I know that numbers are important, but, like I said early, the lore lovers are the ones that are going to feel around the world and find easter eggs and things likes that.  The ones spending money on books, comics, and things like that.  So why ruin the lore?
This new expansion looks so exciting! But a lot of us are terrified Blizzard is going to sacrifice characters we've come to love and watched grow in order to give people something that, back in the day, they said they'd never do.  And also wearing out the story line of "good guy turns evil"
Artifact weapons is an interesting concept, but (like you have done with some of the others) make up new weapons or use ones that have been "lost".  Don't kill of major characters just so every character can walk around with the same weapon.  Yes, I know you can change the color and stuff some, but lets face it....all ret pallies are going to have an Ashbringer in one way or another (poor Tirion).
Why do I care so much?  I'll explain, but look at any other fandom.  Weren't Harry Potter fans a little upset when tons of their favorite characters got killed?  I know some death is inevitable, but not MASS killing
When I started playing World of Warcraft the February after it originally released, I knew nothing of the story.  As a matter of fact, I traded in my (dying) Sims Online subscription for a WoW one haha.
I had never played any of the Warcraft games and I just came to Azeroth because a friend dragged me along.
I'll admit, I went though most of the game not really paying attention to the story.  Once Wrath of the Lich King came around, a light bulb popped up and I realized that the whole world was interconnected with a massive story.  I started reading quests and connecting dots and totally fell in love!  I wish I had gone back and found the lore secrets that I had missed from the Vanilla days.  I actually go to YouTube and watch old quest chains that are lore heavy.  One even brought me to tears (yes, I'm a nerd). Now, I am slowly growing my collection of World of Warcraft novels and am currently reading the short stories on the website.
I know their lore has plot holes, but most stories do.  And, to be honest, they don't have as many as you'd expect going from book to game and back again (also several different authors).
The tv show Reba has more plot holes (though still a good show) haha
I know that there are probably quite a few people who will poke holes in what I'm saying (to be fair I'm talking so fast I probably forgot important parts I wanted to say...I do that).  And many that disagree with what I'm saying altogether.  But these thoughts have been racing in my head since Legion was announced.  I know a couple WoW YouTubers agree with my fears and whatnot.  And I know my audience is pretty much non existent, but writing down my feelings helps get them to stop SPINNING around in my head haha.
I know World of Warcraft has to die one day, but I really hope they do it on THEIR terms and not while trying to beat a dead horse with dreadful expansion after another.
I personally think they should make a final expansion and then let the players die down gradually.
I could go into what WoW means to me, but that would make this post a million miles long.  I'll do that another day.  And YES I know it is "JUST A GAME" and I don't like....depend on it.  But no one can ignore the impact it has had on my life.  And it is an awesome chapter that I will be sad when it closes ;)
(I hope that wasn't too hard to understand.  I may have to come back and fix it once my brain settles a little teehee)

Thursday, August 13, 2015

August Update

Wow, I totally slacked off on these. I'll regret it when I go back to read these and tons are missing haha.
Welcome back.
What have you been up to?  We haven't been up to much...really.
We registered Hailey for school, she got all excited to go and then Matt got a call saying that they hadn't noticed her birthday, and she's 3 days past the deadline, and it's a state law, so there was no way for her to test ahead or anything. So I had to break her excited little heart and tell her she was, in fact, not going to school this year.
She actually handled it very well, but I can tell she's bored in the house...especially now that Emma's back in school.

Brooklyn just turned 2! Where does the time go?!
She talks so much, and has way to much sass!  She does pretty much whatever Hailey is doing and she always surprises me with the stuff that comes out of her mouth.
Her hair is also starting to curl like Hailey's, though I don't think it'll be quite as intense a curl.
Brook is way to smart, well on being just like her sissy
Matt has FINALLY started his groomer training.  Though it's still pretty slow going.  His work really needs to get their crap together.  They keep losing employees without having any to replace them.  At one point they had 3 people trying to run the whole groomer by themselves, 7 days a week.
And with one about to be out with maternity leave, they are going to be in trouble haha
And in that is where our debate comes in.  He's getting the hours he needs here because they are so short handed.  But California is so expensive, that even with the hours, it's still not really cutting it.
So, do we move and hope he can still get good hours and have a lower cost of living here or try to make it here while he can get good hours?
I haven't really been up to much.  I stopped taking my vitamins for a while merely because I forgot and I completely felt like poo.  So I'm still going to take them, but I'm going to start taking them adding one at a time.
Change is whispering in our ear, we just haven't figured out in which way yet.
But we'll let you know when we do figure out our next move!
We love you!



Friday, June 19, 2015

Comfort Zones

How have you been?
The other day I overcame some of my very silly comfort zone limits.
I've been trying to go on walks to build up to running.  Now, this is not always an easy feat where I live.  I have to drive to the bottom of the hill and get the kids going....anyway some days it's just not worth it.  Well I got us all ready to go and the temperature spiked and there was some city work blocking our road.  Hailey was disheartened that I said we'd have to go home.
Then the idea to go to the mall hit me.  Now, our mall isn't far, but isn't close either.  I've only driven there myself once, and I've never gone alone...let alone with two kids.  Besides we didn't have any gas in the car and I've also never pumped gas alone before. I know this sounds silly to a lot of you, but I've never HAD to do it myself, so why would I?  I'm a very dependent person and that is why these small feats are big for me.
I called Matt up on the phone and told him the situation.  He told me it would be fine and I should go.  Call him when I get to the gas station and he'd walk me through it.  So I did.
Then I proceeded to drive to the mall, fearing that I had gotten lost at first. 
We found our way to the mall, parked and went inside.
And, wouldn't ya know, I survived!
There was a couple times where Brook was testing my patience, but hey, she's one.
So, even though these may seem like nothing to you, they are small victories for me.
I do think that my vitamins have helped a little.  I don't feel quite as on edge all the time.  I have been getting up around the same time every morning, but I need to work better at it.
Exercise is also a work in progress.  I'm hoping to start the couch to 5k journey soon.
Diet....that is definitely my weak point.
Slowly but surely I march forward

Thursday, June 4, 2015


Long time no see.
I kind of, disappeared from the world of social media without really realizing it.
So, in coming back, I am going to talk a little about the changes I'm attempting to make in my life.
You may or may not know this about me, but I am bi-polar, as well as having high anxiety and panic attacks.
When I got pregnant with Brooklyn life happened in just the right way to make my anxiety spiral out of control.  I figured maybe it was just an emotional thing and it would go away once my emotions leveled out after she was born.
Nope.  I still get quite frequent panic attacks and I worry and stress about almost everything, even if there is no reason whatsoever to do so.  Heaven forbid one of us get sick.  That's usually my biggest trigger.
In feeling totally useless and helpless, I turned to the internet (scary right).  I cannot afford a therapist or doctor, and I'm not even sure I'd want some kind of medication.  I dislike things like that.
So I looked at multiple sources and found natural ways that I am hopefully going to attempt to the fullest and see if they help me out.
First, I got some supplements.
It may not be much, and you may say I'm crazy.  But I feel that it is worth a try.  I've been wanting to take a women's vitamin and fish oil for a while now.  I have read that the Magnesium can help level out things as well.  The Biotin is for other stuff haha.
The next two are going to be the hardest for me.  And they are so simple.
Exercise and Diet.
Diet is hard for me because I am a picky eater.  I cannot stand a lot of food.
I also am a creature of habit.  A lot of times I hate when things get out of how I have them.  I'll go through cycles of what I eat.  And I'll eat it everyday until I get sick of it, then I move onto the next thing. 
Exercise won't be as hard as diet, but still hard.  I like to work out, but finding the time with two young kids can be hard.  I know you are saying "work out at home" and I try.  But if you haven't seen my house, you wouldn't understand how that is a struggle haha.  We have little to no space anywhere.  Last time I tried to work out here, I ended up knocking Brooklyn in the head because I didn't hear her sneak up on me during a leg lift.
I also have a tendency to under perform when I'm alone.  I need someone to push me or I'll go too easy.
Another thing is a sleep schedule.  This one can be challenging with Brooklyn not being on one herself.  But I wanted to start upping our bedtime by a little tiny bit in preparation for Hailey's possible start of school.  I just need to pick a time and stick to it!
I also read on a couple places that socializing can help.  But I'm sure that depends on the person and what is making them anxious.  It may help me get out of my head.
Which brings me to medication.  I don't know if I can do this one.  My head is my worst enemy.  That is where it gets me.  It's a long story haha.
I've started my vitamins, and I'm slowly working on the others.
It's a process
But I plan to try my best to snap out of this and make these changes (for many many reasons)
And........I'll let ya know :)

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Sadness That Follows Loss

Many of you may not know that one of my best friends in the world is a man I met on World of Warcraft named Mike (or D) who lives in Washington and drives a truck for a living.
We've been friends for years now and we used to "share a brain".  It's faded a little since we haven't been able to visit each other for a couple years due to his new job and our lack of funds.  But, at least from my end, I still consider us close.
On February 27th, Matt and I got a phone call from his wife telling us that one of his children.....had jumped off of a freeway bridge and has not been found, presumed dead.
The minute that I heard that, my heart shattered.  I spent the rest of the day in tears.  It felt almost like it was wrong to do anything "entertaining" since this life had just been lost, and I could only imagine the pain of losing one of your children.
Now, to be honest, I didn't really know Trystan all that well.  We had met, and had interacted several times when he would tag along with his dad when he would do runs down to Los Angeles and we'd meet up.  I did know him through Mike talking about him and wanting to strengthen their bond.
At first, I felt like I didn't have the right to grieve this young man when there were people out there who knew him a lot more than I did, and were ten times more heartbroken than I.
But, honestly, I realized that didn't matter.  I knew him, even a little.  I knew what he meant to his family....a family that I happen to consider my friends.  And now that family is in so much pain.  Thinking about it now still brings tears to my eyes.  My heart is aching for friend who is too far away for me to hug and help out in a time of need.....though we do plan to do our best to attend the memorial service for Trystan.
A touchy subject.  There are arguments about it and stereotypes to accompany it.  But I feel that there is no way to fully understand it.  Everybody is so different, their situations, their feelings, their mental health.  Sometimes you just don't know.
Trystan was only 18.  How do you tell the difference between the stereotyped 'teen angst" and cries for help?  Yes, there are a lot of over dramatic kids who act the part of depressed.  But there are the few mixed in who really feel lost or helpless.  There are some who just so happen to have the chemical imbalance that causes depression and bi-polar.  You just never know, and that's the hard part.
I remember when I felt so low that I wanted to die.  Luckily, I snapped out of it.  I'm not going to mind has wondered there since that night.  That it would be easier.  But after having kids, and 100% now after this....I would never.
Did he really feel as though he wouldn't be missed?
Was he stressed about life?
Did he just feel sad and not understand why?
The thing I do know is that he will be dearly missed
This is a tragedy
And I hope that this doesn't happen anymore.
If you feel lost, talk to someone.
If I know you, and you feel lost, talk to me.  I'll gladly listen.
I love you all
In Loving Memory of Trystan Gabriel Wilder

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

January Update

Hello there people!
I totally spaced this medium in communicating my feelings and what not.
I know I still never did my Sailor Moon Crystal reviews on here like I wanted (and now I am waaay behind) but I think I'll still do them eventually, just to get my thoughts all out of my head.
I also have taken a little break from my vlogging channel (link in my profile if you want to check it out). I still post every once in a while, but, for now, it's on the back burner.
Man, where did January go?!  The first month of 2015 over.
Even though this year has started out slow, I'm hoping for some big changes in our lives, hopefully for the better, and I'm really excited.  I can't wait to see where life takes us this year. 
Hailey is still the best big sister ever!  She helps Brooklyn with almost anything she needs.  Defiantly a little mommy.  They do fight sometimes, but what siblings don't?
Hailey is so smart and acts just like a little adult.  Some of the things that come out of her mouth catch me by surprise.  I've also noticed how much she is actually listening to things around her when I hear her mention something I talked about in passing.  I can't wait to get her into some kind of school.  I had her copy words that I wrote down and she did pretty well
Brooklyn has grown so much.  I swear she had a growth spurt while we were in Utah.  She is finally at a good weight the Dr. said....after being low weight for a long time.  She has also started talking a lot more.  She does get shy, but at home she never shuts up!  Constantly singing "Let It Go" and being able to point out different things, she is growing up so fast!
Matt will hopefully be starting Groomer training this upcoming month.  I'm really hoping it goes smoothly, and quickly.  I think it'll open up some doors for us.  Not much else to report here haha.
I haven't done much this last month, and I'm really bummed at myself.  I want to lose weight (like a lot of people) but I'm having a really really hard time finding motivation.  I honestly don't know what my deal is. I want to change several little things about myself, and that is one reason for the hiatus on my YouTube channel.
I also have the urge to build/make something.  I'm thinking of making a "spring" sign out of wood, but we'll see how this goes.  I've always wanted to craft, but never really had the chance to explore it. (or the confidence)
So, hoping for big things this year!
How are you doing so far this 2015??