Saturday, December 28, 2013

Stopped by to say...

Crazy, adventurous, and energetic little girl.
We love you!


Friday, December 20, 2013

A Case of the "Bad Mom"s

Lately I've had a bad case of the "bad mom"s as I call them.
It's when I feel like no matter what I do, I'm a bad mom.  I can't seem to find any of the good mom stuff in anything I do.  I guess it's kind of a Debbie downer mode.  Add on my anxiety attacks that still love to visit from time to time and I'm a hot mess!
Hailey is still refusing to use the potty.  I really can't figure out what she's so afraid of.  The fact that I can't figure out what's wrong with it and fix it, or the fact that she's just not potty trained yet is a big "bad mom" factor.  She's so smart and I know she could do it, she just flat out doesn't want to.  But every time I change her diaper I feel like I'm being an enabler (which is stupid) and I'm reminded of my failure.
Hailey has also had a lot of pooping problems over the last year or so.  I won't go into details....because I'm sure that's the last thing you want to hear about, but it makes me feel like it's something that I have done that makes her body work this way.
I just noticed tonight that Hailey is starting to lick her lips like I did when I was a kid.  So I'm working on trying to prevent clown mouth like I would get every year.
Speaking of her lips, she bites her bottom lip in her sleep.  Matt thinks it may be because of her binky.  Like it falls out at night and she tries to suck on it so she ends up biting her lip instead.  Today it was the reddest I've ever seen it and I don't know how to stop it....bad mom floods over me.
I know she shouldn't have a binky anymore, but when Brooklyn was born, we thought that would be a bad time to try to take it away since Brooklyn uses one.  But we've told her that (since she bites her binkies now and gets holes in them) her binky she has now is the last one she's getting.
Lately I've also had KILLER bad mom on diet.  I feel like we eat like college kids sometimes.  We're not very good meal planners.  Something I never really learned growing up.  I never really watched my mom do dinner, just disappeared till called and it was magically there, ya know?
I try to give her fruit and veggies but I know I could do a LOT better.  It's hard being a picky eater and trying to make your kid try new things, because I know how much it sucks to try to choke down something yucky.  But I feel like her diet sucks and she's going to grow up with bad eating habits or overweight and I'd just die.
Brook had picked up the habit now that most babies do at one point or another, and that's crying at night to have attention or be held.  Hailey did the same around this age.  Difference is I could let Hailey cry it out if it was one of those nights.  I can't let Brooklyn do that because it keeps Hailey awake in this tiny hell of a barn.  So they both suffer. Sigh
Speaking of this barn.  That's another one.  I feel like we're not doing a good enough job because we don't have a house with a yard where they can just go out and play (safely and not in the mud/driveway) and run around.
I know this sounds like a pity party, but sometimes it helps me get things out of my brain when I write them down.  And night time is the worst time for my brain to wander.  I'm one of those people who's mind will NOT shut off.  Especially at night when I have nothing to distract myself with.  I lay away for an hour or more every night just looping thoughts in my head.  The one that keeps coming to the top of the pile lately is bad mom.  Hence this post.
I know that most of these things could go away if I try to change them, but it's hard.  I'm defiantly a creature of habit.  I like things to be organized and not change.  And for some reason my emotions and crap got whacked up with Brooklyn.  I got the normal pregnancy change but it never went back to normal I guess.
So change is super hard right now, even little ones.
Ever get a case of the "bad mom"s?
I sure hope mine pass or resolve soon

Friday, December 13, 2013


Hope it's fantastic


Thursday, December 5, 2013

3 years ago

Three years ago today I lay in a hospital bed ready to do something I was terrified of.
I wasn't so much scared to become a mom as much as labor's not like it has a good reputation.
I remember crying when she finally got here.  She was amazing.
After that she was pretty much the best baby ever!  Slept through the night pretty much from the start, was a fantastic eater, and laid back...only crying when she really needed to.
She is also very smart...almost too much so.  Learning to walk and talk fairly quickly and with ease.
And the do you have some funny things to say.  You just KILL us with your sense of humor.  Even when you try to be serious we can't help but giggle.
Princess.  She is defiantly one of those.  In love with almost everything girly (don't worry she loves 'boy' things too like spiders and rocks).  Shoes, dresses, and the color pink, she shines everyday.
And love.  She loves so much.  Better not play fight me or pick on her little sister because she will defend!
But also the best cuddle bug ever!  With lots of hugs and kisses, she is just as much a lover as a fighter.

We love you baby girl!

Monday, December 2, 2013


I just have to stop and say that I am grateful.
Sometimes, especially around the holidays, I start to feel down about some of the stuff in my life.  Sometimes I feel bad that I feel bad because there are people worse off than me, and I understand that I'm blessed that way.  But also, there is a quote that goes "there is always someone hurting worse then you, that doesn't mean your pain doesn't count."
But I also want to say that I am indeed grateful for what I do have.
As much as I hate this barn, we are lucky to be able to be here rent free.
I'm glad that I have a husband who works to support our family.
And I'm grateful for my two beautiful kids.
I have to say that has what's been on my mind most.  My girls.  I am so lucky to have them.  Both have slept through the night since they were born *knocks on wood*
Hailey was always a pretty easy going baby, and Brooklyn is following in her footsteps so far.  Of course they cry, but not very often.
I'm also lucky to be able to breastfeed.  Sometimes I really hate it.  This time has been a little harder because Brook isn't as good an eater as Hailey was.  But I also understand that there are moms out there that want to breastfeed and can't.
I'm grateful that in the mornings I wake up to cooing from Brooklyn or Hailey popping on my bed informing me that it is indeed morning time.  I love waking up to smiles vs cries.
I know this post has been kind of all over the place, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and just kind of let it spill out.  So it's messy!
But....the point is I love my little family!