Sunday, March 12, 2017

March Already?!

Where did February go??
I remember being mid February wondering why this month was going so slow compared to how quickly January came and went.  And now, all of a sudden, it's mid March!
9 days till my due date!?!
What is this madness???!?
 
Hailey had her parent/teacher conference and she's doing really well.  They do this testing and she was well above average on all but one thing (something with numbers).  She still loves school, but has grown to hate getting up in the mornings.  She also seems to have quite a few friends.  There is defiantly a best friend, but when we show up in the mornings at least 3 kids will go "HAILEY!" hahah.  It's quite the scene to watch sometimes.  Kindergarteners make me giggle.
She'll also be going on her first field trip this week.  I wanted to volunteer to go so bad, but it's 4 days from my due date, so I thought it would be unwise.
 
Brooklyn has been doing much better in eating.  She still won't eat breakfast though.  But now, when she finishes a meal she'll come over and go "Are you proud of me for eating my food?!" and when you say yes she'll follow you around for the rest of the day "I'm so happy that your proud of me" haha
She has also become like the 'class pet' of Hailey's friends.  They all come over and hug on her and think "she is just so cute"
We can now sign her up for pre-school and I am so torn over it!  But I need to make my mind up soon because the spots will fill.

 
I am....feeling really big.  I'm defiantly in that "don't you dare make a comment" phase haha.
Nesting has mixed with spring cleaning fever and it's driving me insane!  We actually got a lot done this weekend now that the snow has vanished for a while.  Hoping it stays gone so I can put our boot tray away.  I'm also in that I don't want to be pregnant anymore but I don't want baby yet phase.  It's very emotional I swear!  I go to the doctor on Tuesday and we'll see what the plan is from there.
 
Matt is still working away.  This place is just so weird that I cannot wait till he can possibly find a better job.  They just seem so...not put together for a big company.  He made a new friend he's been hanging out with, and that makes me happy.  But it does take away from his awake hours from me and I don't like to share! haha
 
Lots of changes are happening and it's exciting and scary!  I am one who hates change and this is a lot all at once.  Just sold Hailey's bed, which is kind of sad.  Ordered a tiny dresser for her clothes (until we move and get her a real one) and the new bed for them.  Brook has quickly outgrown the crib, even if we weren't about to have another baby, she would of needed a bed anyway.
We've gotten so much done, but it feels like we still have so much to do!
Stress stress stress!
 
 
~hyuu!
 
 

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

January

I can't believe that January is already over.  It feels like Christmas was just yesterday!
There is part of me that wants time to slow down, and another part that is like "can it be the end of March yet?!"
 
 
Hailey lost both her front teeth by time Christmas was here.  But they have already almost grown back in! Both teeth next to her front teeth are loose, but she won't let us pull them out.  We may have to because her front teeth are pushing on them.  I think she is going to have an over crowded teeth problem eventually.
She still likes school, but has gotten to the point of waking up being hard.  Mainly because of Christmas vacation where she could sleep as she liked. "I like school, I just hate waking up." she tells me.  She's doing really well with reading too.  Sometimes I hate reading with her, because I realize how stupid a lot of the rules are and how nothing even follows said rules!
We also got her her first haircut.  Nothing crazy, but I do wish I had done it a little shorter.  But it does help with brushing it.
 
 
Brooklyn is just as crazy as ever.  She gets upset when Hailey has school and claims she has a baby in her belly too.  Speaking of which, sometimes she really loves to rub my belly.  It's sweet, but also a little weird to me haha.
Other then that, nothing really to report.  I did learn, however, that she's going to be a sweatpants kind of gal.  She prefers to be in her 'home pants' and a sweater because it's "more comfy"
 
 
 
Mathew and I don't have much else to report either.  We're in this limbo right now and it's stressful.  We had plans, and it was working out.  But when places, like your job, don't keep promises or leave out information it messes up those plans and puts you in a tight spot.  We need to be out of our apartment by the end of February because it's expensive here.  We had the means, and now we don't.  But the loan officer we are working with takes his sweet time and leaves us hanging.  Half the questions they ask make no sense to me either.  It's such an odd and frustrating process.
But we'll figure something out.  We always do.
 
It'll be interesting to see how things go, but also a little scary.
I guess we'll see!
Best part of January being over....one month closer to spring!  We're starting to get cabin fever!
 
~hyuu!


Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Pregnancy Update

As hard as it is, to believe I am 31 weeks along!
Third trimester, and single digit week countdown....crazy
 
I really don't have too much to report.  Things have been going pretty well.
I still get sick if I don't take a nausea pill for 2-3 days in a row.  I try not to take them unless I feel sick, but that still leaves me taking them 80% of the time.
 
Now that I'm in my third trimester, my doctors appointments are every 2 weeks.  At my last appointment I had my whooping cough vaccine shot, man did that hurt for a long time!  I also had my iron levels tested and, surprise surprise, I need to take an iron supplement.  I knew I would.  I had to with both my other two pregnancies.  I guess I should of just started taking one on my own anyway.  Oh well.
 
I know I feel a lot bigger than I am.  Looking down from the top makes me feel so huge!  But when I take a bump photo, I'm surprised at how tiny it looks.  I was measuring a centimeter bigger than I should, but I think this last appointment I was back on normal size.  I've only gained about 5lbs this pregnancy so I'm pretty happy about that.  I'm hoping to take advantage of the extra calorie burn from breastfeeding to help lose some.
 
This baby moves like a sugar rushed monkey!  Most of the time the doctor has to chase it down to hear the heartbeat.  I also can't sit up in my computer chair for too long or it freaks out and I have to sit back.  Sometimes I wonder what the heck it is doing in there.
 
From what I can remember, I don't remember being this tired or in pain with my other two pregnancies, but I am doing a lot more running around.  With the others, I didn't go anywhere without Matt because we only had the one car that he took to work, and I couldn't drive it anyway.  We didn't get my car until Brook was born.  Now, I take Hailey to school, go shopping, take Mia up and down the stairs all day, and man does it make a difference!  I usually like to get all my 'chores' done first thing, but now I have to take breaks in between or I wear myself out.
 
We have finally picked a hospital to deliver at (my doctor only goes to 2 different ones).  The main reason we picked the one we did was because of the birth control options.  I really want an IUD.  I was going to get one after Brook, but they were too expensive.  Here I have some more options.  At my hospital, they can put one in right after you give birth, instead of waiting the 6 weeks after.
 
The countdown is officially on!
 
 
~hyuu

Friday, December 9, 2016

Is My Heart Big Enough?

Let's talk about another subject that can sometimes be controversial.
Mom Guilt
Now, that can mean a lot of things, but in this instance I'm talking about the guilt moms sometimes feel when they get pregnant with another child.
 
Have I ruined my other child/ren's lives?
Will they resent me?
Is my heart big enough for everyone?
Those are just some of the questions that run though our heads....at least mine.
 
Adding a new member to a family, planned or unplanned, is always scary.  Mainly because it's such a mystery as to how it will turn out.  You can plan, talk, and strategize all you want...it never turns out how you think.  Uncertainty is scary.
 
I remember when I got pregnant with Brook, I remember trying to convince myself that I wanted this, that Hailey needed a sibling and she'd thank me for it one day.  But I also felt horrible.  I had always wanted more kids, but when I'd look at pictures of the three of us, or how she fit perfect between Matt and I my brain started going nuts.  What had I done?!  Our family was perfect the way it was and now I'm throwing it up into chaos!  What if they don't get along?? etc. etc.
 
After Brook was born, I'll admit, I had a hard time bonding.  I don't know if that's from the fact that I didn't really get to hold her much among delivery (I had a pain shot that knocked me out, plus she was jaundice a tad so she was in something for that) or postpartum, which I struggled with.
But once things settled down and I saw my girls together things worked out.
Yes, things changed, but we figured it out and made it work together.  Turns out, as a mother, your heart grows....
 
Now, here I sit, pregnant for the third time and BAM mom guilt.
You'd think I wouldn't feel like this after the first time. But oh yes, I do.  I have those same questions, same fears, and same "what have I done?" feelings.
 
I know once the baby is here and things start to make sense again everything will fall into place, but right now it's kind of a scary feeling.
I have to just remind myself that I've done this before and it will all work out.
 
 Have you ever experience "mom guilt"?
 
 
 
 
~hyuu 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

December

It's December!
Where has the time gone?  Time for a good ol' fashioned family update!  Though it hasn't been that long since the last one, so there isn't much to report.
 
 
Hailey will be turning 6 in four days!  I can't handle my little baby growing up so fast.
She also just lost another tooth, her top front.  She has two other teeth that are loose also and not far behind.  Every time I see her it throws me off.  I hope her new tooth grows in fast!  She really needs a haircut, but that's one more thing that will make her look different!  My poor heart
 
 
Brooklyn is pretty much the same.  Though she is slowly growing sassier and sassier.  Man sometimes she drives me nuts!  She also reminds me a lot of her cousin Evie.  Just the way she talks and things like that.  It's trippy!
With Hailey's birthday and Christmas, she has had a real hard time keeping her mouth shut on presents haha.  She doesn't do it on purpose, she just talks and talks and it flows out.
 
 
Matt doesn't really have much to report.  His new route is finally starting to even out I believe.  The working at 4am thing still sucks.  Too bad the stores he delivers for don't open earlier.  His first training route he went in at midnight and was home by 7 or so.  That was quite nice....at least compared to this.
 
I'm surviving.  Life is kind of stressful and I hate pregnancy hahaha.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children, and it was totally planned, knowing I would hate it, but man do I hate it!
24 weeks now.  Still feeling sick.  I still take a pill everyday, though it is down from two a day.  The mornings are the worst.  I feel so sick I can never eat breakfast.  Also less and less food sounds good to me.  The few foods I would eat have turned on me and now taste like crap! Not to mention the constant dancing this baby does doesn't help.  I may end up losing weight this time around.
On the bright side, I'm almost done with Christmas shopping!
 (pic from 20 weeks)
 
 
I attempted to take some family photos, but with the snow and my paranoia of my camera getting ruined they didn't turn out too well.  I think I'm going to try to redo them in front of our Christmas tree, once it's up (I wait till after Hailey's birthday)
So, with some stresses gone, and new ones to replace them, we soldier on!
 
 
~hyuu


Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Baby Name Drama

Let me start this out with, YES I know that it's my choice and I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks....but sometimes (especially for me) you can't help it.
 
So, I have always had a thing about sharing my baby names.  People can be cruel, and also some people just run their mouths without thinking things through.
I will admit that I can be too sensitive to what other people say....but it's also my baby's name! haha
 
First of all, I'm not one of those people who think that a name is like...your IDENTITY hard core like I've seen some people say.  It's a name.
BUT I also don't like to have names that are really hard to spell (they are going to have a hard enough time with their last name), or that a million people have.
In 4th grade, I had three Matthews and at least two Brittanys in my class.  And man did it get confusing.  I, however, never had that problem.  The only other Vickie I ever saw was a teacher's first name.  And, as silly as it is, I loved that fact.  So I always try to pick a name that isn't super popular.
I also try really hard to find a name I don't associate anyone with.  I know that's not 100% possible, but if it's an immediate reminder of someone I hated that sorry but it's out!
 
Now the drama really starts when you tell other people your name.  If it's a name that you really love, then you hear the people in your life saying they hate it....it hurts.
Once upon a time, Hailey was going to be named Hannah.  But I had someone close to me ruin it.  "Every Hannah I know is a bitch....just an FYI"
I know I shouldn't of let it bother me, but it did....a lot.
Luckily we found the name Hailey and it suits her.
With Brooklyn, we never really had this issue.  Some people looked at us like "really?" but that's about it.
But this time around.  I'm a little more into old fashioned names or just unique without being weird names, if that makes sense.
And well, a lot of people I know don't seem to agree.  The names are all a little different then what's going around now, so they give me grief.  I don't think anyone has been like "Oh I love that name!" with any of our names yet.  Well, besides Matt and Hailey.
So I've hesitated to tell anyone else what names I'm thinking of.  I've had people point out teasing possibilities, but honestly, kids are dicks and if they want to tease someone they can think of any reason, they don't need a name.  Plus aren't there just too many weird and unique names out there now for anyone to make fun of anyone? bahaha
 
We're still trying to decide fully, but Matt has a name that he really likes and, unlike me, he could care less what anyone says.  So I may have to tap into his attitude and just go with it.  But we'll see.
Once she is named I'll let you know!
 
Have you had any baby name drama?
 
 
 
~Hyuu

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Gender Disappointment

Let's talk about a slightly controversial subject.
 
If you know me, then you probably know that I'm pregnant.
What you probably don't know, since I haven't "publicly announced" it, is that I'm having my 3rd girl.
 
With this realization came a wave of disappointment, one bigger than I honestly anticipated.
And what followed that was a wave of guilt.  I was disappointed with my baby's gender and I felt like a horrible person for feeling that way.
 
So I went searching a bit in hopes of finding some connection somewhere about how I felt.  And I found it in quite a few places.  I knew this wasn't a new phenomenon, but I still felt alone.
 
Now, the reason this is controversial is because there are people out there with the mentality of "At least you have a baby!" and things like that.  Don't get me wrong....I feel VERY blessed that I have not had to struggle like some people I know.  And will I still love my baby even though it's a girl? OF COURSE!!
 
One lady explained it as the death of a dream.  Usually when you get pregnant, you end up with an image in your head of what your baby will be like.  And if ends up being the opposite of what you imagined, you see all those dreams fade.  It just takes time to rearrange them into something new to fit reality.
 
Another thing that really doesn't help are the people around you.  In our situation, this is our third girl.  Both sides of our family are very girl heavy.  Matt always wanted a brother, but has two sisters, plus mostly female cousins and such.  On my side, this would have been the first boy grandchild in 10 years or so.
So when we tell people that it's a girl we get that "oh...better luck next time?" or "that's too bad."
Even if they say "Oh another girl huh" you can tell that they are silently saying "that sucks"
It makes it so much harder to process and deal with when people around you are disappointed as well.  It almost feels as if no one is excited or accepting this time around.
We also did all those little "tips and tricks" to get boys.  None are scientific, of course, and I can name a bunch of reasons how those things could of messed up.  Ex: (TMI Warning!) They say if you try after you ovulate (but before your period) then you are more likely for a boy.  I could of ovulated later then predicted.  Or maybe Matt's DNA just doesn't make many, if any males.
But with all that 'effort' to try these tricks and such, I almost feel like a failure.....silly I know.
 
All in all, I love my baby.  And she will be loved regardless of how I felt at the ultrasound or what anyone else projects at us.
But also, don't feel alone if you have felt this way.  Don't let others make you feel worse.
Everything will work out.
 
 
 
~hyuu