Friday, June 19, 2015

Comfort Zones

How have you been?
The other day I overcame some of my very silly comfort zone limits.
I've been trying to go on walks to build up to running.  Now, this is not always an easy feat where I live.  I have to drive to the bottom of the hill and get the kids going....anyway some days it's just not worth it.  Well I got us all ready to go and the temperature spiked and there was some city work blocking our road.  Hailey was disheartened that I said we'd have to go home.
Then the idea to go to the mall hit me.  Now, our mall isn't far, but isn't close either.  I've only driven there myself once, and I've never gone alone...let alone with two kids.  Besides we didn't have any gas in the car and I've also never pumped gas alone before. I know this sounds silly to a lot of you, but I've never HAD to do it myself, so why would I?  I'm a very dependent person and that is why these small feats are big for me.
I called Matt up on the phone and told him the situation.  He told me it would be fine and I should go.  Call him when I get to the gas station and he'd walk me through it.  So I did.
Then I proceeded to drive to the mall, fearing that I had gotten lost at first. 
We found our way to the mall, parked and went inside.
And, wouldn't ya know, I survived!
There was a couple times where Brook was testing my patience, but hey, she's one.
So, even though these may seem like nothing to you, they are small victories for me.
I do think that my vitamins have helped a little.  I don't feel quite as on edge all the time.  I have been getting up around the same time every morning, but I need to work better at it.
Exercise is also a work in progress.  I'm hoping to start the couch to 5k journey soon.
Diet....that is definitely my weak point.
Slowly but surely I march forward

Thursday, June 4, 2015


Long time no see.
I kind of, disappeared from the world of social media without really realizing it.
So, in coming back, I am going to talk a little about the changes I'm attempting to make in my life.
You may or may not know this about me, but I am bi-polar, as well as having high anxiety and panic attacks.
When I got pregnant with Brooklyn life happened in just the right way to make my anxiety spiral out of control.  I figured maybe it was just an emotional thing and it would go away once my emotions leveled out after she was born.
Nope.  I still get quite frequent panic attacks and I worry and stress about almost everything, even if there is no reason whatsoever to do so.  Heaven forbid one of us get sick.  That's usually my biggest trigger.
In feeling totally useless and helpless, I turned to the internet (scary right).  I cannot afford a therapist or doctor, and I'm not even sure I'd want some kind of medication.  I dislike things like that.
So I looked at multiple sources and found natural ways that I am hopefully going to attempt to the fullest and see if they help me out.
First, I got some supplements.
It may not be much, and you may say I'm crazy.  But I feel that it is worth a try.  I've been wanting to take a women's vitamin and fish oil for a while now.  I have read that the Magnesium can help level out things as well.  The Biotin is for other stuff haha.
The next two are going to be the hardest for me.  And they are so simple.
Exercise and Diet.
Diet is hard for me because I am a picky eater.  I cannot stand a lot of food.
I also am a creature of habit.  A lot of times I hate when things get out of how I have them.  I'll go through cycles of what I eat.  And I'll eat it everyday until I get sick of it, then I move onto the next thing. 
Exercise won't be as hard as diet, but still hard.  I like to work out, but finding the time with two young kids can be hard.  I know you are saying "work out at home" and I try.  But if you haven't seen my house, you wouldn't understand how that is a struggle haha.  We have little to no space anywhere.  Last time I tried to work out here, I ended up knocking Brooklyn in the head because I didn't hear her sneak up on me during a leg lift.
I also have a tendency to under perform when I'm alone.  I need someone to push me or I'll go too easy.
Another thing is a sleep schedule.  This one can be challenging with Brooklyn not being on one herself.  But I wanted to start upping our bedtime by a little tiny bit in preparation for Hailey's possible start of school.  I just need to pick a time and stick to it!
I also read on a couple places that socializing can help.  But I'm sure that depends on the person and what is making them anxious.  It may help me get out of my head.
Which brings me to medication.  I don't know if I can do this one.  My head is my worst enemy.  That is where it gets me.  It's a long story haha.
I've started my vitamins, and I'm slowly working on the others.
It's a process
But I plan to try my best to snap out of this and make these changes (for many many reasons)
And........I'll let ya know :)