A Case of the "Bad Mom"s

Lately I've had a bad case of the "bad mom"s as I call them.

It's when I feel like no matter what I do, I'm a bad mom.  I can't seem to find any of the good mom stuff in anything I do.  I guess it's kind of a Debbie downer mode.  Add on my anxiety attacks that still love to visit from time to time and I'm a hot mess!

Hailey is still refusing to use the potty.  I really can't figure out what she's so afraid of.  The fact that I can't figure out what's wrong with it and fix it, or the fact that she's just not potty trained yet is a big "bad mom" factor.  She's so smart and I know she could do it, she just flat out doesn't want to.  But every time I change her diaper I feel like I'm being an enabler (which is stupid) and I'm reminded of my failure.

Hailey has also had a lot of pooping problems over the last year or so.  I won't go into details....because I'm sure that's the last thing you want to hear about, but it makes me feel like it's something that I have done that makes her body work this way.

I just noticed tonight that Hailey is starting to lick her lips like I did when I was a kid.  So I'm working on trying to prevent clown mouth like I would get every year.

Speaking of her lips, she bites her bottom lip in her sleep.  Matt thinks it may be because of her binky.  Like it falls out at night and she tries to suck on it so she ends up biting her lip instead.  Today it was the reddest I've ever seen it and I don't know how to stop it....bad mom floods over me.

I know she shouldn't have a binky anymore, but when Brooklyn was born, we thought that would be a bad time to try to take it away since Brooklyn uses one.  But we've told her that (since she bites her binkies now and gets holes in them) her binky she has now is the last one she's getting.

Lately I've also had KILLER bad mom on diet.  I feel like we eat like college kids sometimes.  We're not very good meal planners.  Something I never really learned growing up.  I never really watched my mom do dinner, just disappeared till called and it was magically there, ya know?

I try to give her fruit and veggies but I know I could do a LOT better.  It's hard being a picky eater and trying to make your kid try new things, because I know how much it sucks to try to choke down something yucky.  But I feel like her diet sucks and she's going to grow up with bad eating habits or overweight and I'd just die.

Brook had picked up the habit now that most babies do at one point or another, and that's crying at night to have attention or be held.  Hailey did the same around this age.  Difference is I could let Hailey cry it out if it was one of those nights.  I can't let Brooklyn do that because it keeps Hailey awake in this tiny hell of a barn.  So they both suffer. Sigh

Speaking of this barn.  That's another one.  I feel like we're not doing a good enough job because we don't have a house with a yard where they can just go out and play (safely and not in the mud/driveway) and run around.

I know this sounds like a pity party, but sometimes it helps me get things out of my brain when I write them down.  And night time is the worst time for my brain to wander.  I'm one of those people who's mind will NOT shut off.  Especially at night when I have nothing to distract myself with.  I lay away for an hour or more every night just looping thoughts in my head.  The one that keeps coming to the top of the pile lately is bad mom.  Hence this post.

I know that most of these things could go away if I try to change them, but it's hard.  I'm defiantly a creature of habit.  I like things to be organized and not change.  And for some reason my emotions and crap got whacked up with Brooklyn.  I got the normal pregnancy change but it never went back to normal I guess.

So change is super hard right now, even little ones.

Ever get a case of the "bad mom"s?

I sure hope mine pass or resolve soon

 

 

~hyuu