Gender Disappointment

Let's talk about a slightly controversial subject.

 

If you know me, then you probably know that I'm pregnant.

What you probably don't know, since I haven't "publicly announced" it, is that I'm having my 3rd girl.

 

With this realization came a wave of disappointment, one bigger than I honestly anticipated.

And what followed that was a wave of guilt.  I was disappointed with my baby's gender and I felt like a horrible person for feeling that way.

 

So I went searching a bit in hopes of finding some connection somewhere about how I felt.  And I found it in quite a few places.  I knew this wasn't a new phenomenon, but I still felt alone.

 

Now, the reason this is controversial is because there are people out there with the mentality of "At least you have a baby!" and things like that.  Don't get me wrong....I feel VERY blessed that I have not had to struggle like some people I know.  And will I still love my baby even though it's a girl? OF COURSE!!

 

One lady explained it as the death of a dream.  Usually when you get pregnant, you end up with an image in your head of what your baby will be like.  And if ends up being the opposite of what you imagined, you see all those dreams fade.  It just takes time to rearrange them into something new to fit reality.

 

Another thing that really doesn't help are the people around you.  In our situation, this is our third girl.  Both sides of our family are very girl heavy.  Matt always wanted a brother, but has two sisters, plus mostly female cousins and such.  On my side, this would have been the first boy grandchild in 10 years or so.

So when we tell people that it's a girl we get that "oh...better luck next time?" or "that's too bad."

Even if they say "Oh another girl huh" you can tell that they are silently saying "that sucks"

It makes it so much harder to process and deal with when people around you are disappointed as well.  It almost feels as if no one is excited or accepting this time around.

We also did all those little "tips and tricks" to get boys.  None are scientific, of course, and I can name a bunch of reasons how those things could of messed up.  Ex: (TMI Warning!) They say if you try after you ovulate (but before your period) then you are more likely for a boy.  I could of ovulated later then predicted.  Or maybe Matt's DNA just doesn't make many, if any males.
But with all that 'effort' to try these tricks and such, I almost feel like a failure.....silly I know.

 

All in all, I love my baby.  And she will be loved regardless of how I felt at the ultrasound or what anyone else projects at us.

But also, don't feel alone if you have felt this way.  Don't let others make you feel worse.

Everything will work out.

 

 

 

~hyuu