Anxiety

Well hello there world!

How goes it?

Me?

Well.....you see.....I've been full of ANXIETY!

I know that people will say it's normal, but I think I take it to the next level.  If you know me, you know that my emotions are already haywire.  But through most of this pregnancy, especially lately, my anxiety level has risen greatly.

Almost every night I freak out about really nothing.  Sometimes it's because I'm afraid someone is sick or going to get sick, sometimes it's thinking about having another baby in the house, and other times it's just.....nothing.  I'll freak out for no reason.

I know being pregnant messes with your emotions, and it will be messed up afterwards for a while, but I fear that I'm never going to go back to normal.

I feel like I got knocked out or am asleep and are dreaming.  Lots of changes lately, big and small, and it feels unreal.  I feel like I'm going to wake up and not be pregnant or Matt's back isn't going to hurt him anymore.

I had this all organized in my head before I started writing, and now it's all in shambles. Sigh

My mind is just like waiting for something really bad to happen.  If I try to tell myself everything is fine and everything will be Ok, the stronger voice is my head laughs at me and says that just saying it isn't going to matter.

I know people say you can change it yourself, but I have no idea how.  I have a little person in my head who is self destructive and hateful.  I have no idea how to drown them out and eradicate them from my brain.

Man.....as I sit here everything I wanted to say is leaking out of my head with Hailey saying it's lunch time haha.  So maybe I'll reprise this later......after lunch.

 

 

~hyuu!